“It’s okay,” he said, looking down at his hands as they arranged brochures on the counter, “if you don’t want to save money.” Honestly, I was fairly tired from the day of flying and only beginning to understand what this interaction was really about. Timeshares. This offer of a free, “nice,” breakfast and the $100 discount on a boat ride, scuba lesson, zip line trip, or other adventure was to become a recurring theme of our trip to Puerto Vallarta. By the end, it had become an established joke.
So there I was at the airport with this man I just met, this man we were virtually carried to see as we ambled along like lemmings towards the main exit to the terminal. He was looking very disappointed and practically suspicious of us as we walked away. “No,” I told him, “I guess we don’t want to save any money.”
Timeshares, in fact, are the reason why we came to this tourist city located on the seventh largest bay in the mundo – I mean – world: Banderas Bay. We already own a couple of timeshares and needed to use up some weeks before they dissolved intp the points ether. Since June in Puerto Vallarta is low tourist season, getting two weeks in an oceanfront timeshare condo was not a problem. And apparently tourists found things like the swine flu and the drug gang decapitations off-putting, so the price of airfare was fairly rock bottom—I think that they were going for a bit over $300 apiece. Using a companion fare ticket (a perk of an airline mileage credit card, given once a year) we averaged about $230 round trip per person (my son, my wife, and myself).
But seriously folks, how ‘bout a nice, free breakfast? We’re just gonna tell you a little about what we offer here and if you 
don’t want it, no problem, the breakfast is still on me. Whaddaya say? You’re gonna like the breakfast, they got everything in there. Et cetera. Rule number one when you get off the plane is: Do not stop walking after you get your bags until you’ve walked out of the terminal, up the overpass, over the highway and down the other side. Seriously, folks, there are free offers for everything, all to get you to buy a timeshare. Unless you want one, don’t talk to those people who want to make your stay so inexpensive and enjoyable from the moment you get off the plane.
The cabs in the airport are government regulated and they cost more than the freelancers across the street. It’ll reduce your fare from twenty something dollars to between seven and ten. We stayed in the Marina area, a spot that contains a lot of American, Canadian, and European travelers, a mile or less to the north of downtown Puerto Vallarta.
Located on the central western coast of Mexico, PVR (the airport designation) is the fifth largest city in the state of Jalisco. Together with Nuevo Vallarta just to the North, the PVR greater area is one of the fastest growing areas in the Americas today. Most travel guides place the city in the area of the country commonly called the Colonial Heartland. Filled with Spanish architecture, opulent churches and palaces, this is the silver mining region conquered and controlled by the Spaniards, the enslaved locals scraped the royal family’s fortune out of the brown hillsides and mountains. Beach resorts edge the Pacific coast of this rich and mixed area where one can find jungle, cactus strewn mesas, and snow-capped mountains.
The state of Jalisco is the home of tequila. Yep. All of it. In the same way that champagne only comes from the 
Champagne region of France, tequila only comes from the blue agave plant which grows is the red volcanic soil of this region.
Taking tours of tequila plantations/distilleries is a common attraction. The rolling hillsides of the spiky blue agave produce a verdant, textured border to the more muted brown and greens of the larger foothills above them. Free samples of tequila can cut into your liquor bill significantly if one is inclined.
But the sellers will find you and try to drag you in for this luxury item as well. Hawkers on the downtown streets will call you in to their stores, reminiscent of how it’s done in front of gentleman’s clubs: “Hey, c’mon in, you know you want some.” And we finally happened upon the trick to stop them on our last encounter of this sort. I ended it by saying, “We’re on our way to catch our plane.” The man in the white linen shirt replied far too quickly, laughing, “Who taught you to say that?” It happened to be true, and we got a great chuckle.
Yet I have to say that my wife, Karen, and I came to the conclusion that we have not visited a large city anywhere that had a higher ratio of really nice people. Not like the breakfast nice, but, you know, friendly, helpful, interested, funny, and warm kind of nice. On a bus at one point—and DO take the buses, they’re only about fifty cents to go wherever you’ll probably want to go—we asked someone in front of us for directions and two other passengers joined in to explain slowly, with smiles, where to go. On another bus ride, the one where we were returning from getting my driver’s license back after getting a traffic infraction (oops!), 
a man was singing and playing his accordion, also smiling at us and we at him. We grinned and swayed and looked out the windows at the sights and lovingly at each other as he serenaded all of us riding the bus that bright, balmy day. Okay, so rule number two is: DO take the buses.
Downtown PVR has mega-party spots for those so inclined. Discos like the Zoo, Carlos O’Brien’s, and Punto V rock the night late with heavy beats, lights, and crowds that gather outside in the street to dance and socialize. The Malecon, the walkway that runs along the water in the downtown stretch of the city, is across the street from some of the downtown discos like the Zoo, so that getting your groove on and looking out at the ocean at night can indeed be simultaneous activities.
Going downtown for dinner on one of our last nights in the city, we found ourselves in the middle of a hard rain. The water began running down the streets in small rivers that covered most of the street and that rose to as much as six inches deep. After a while, even the locals thought it was a bit much and the public dancing that had been taking place in the Plaza Vallarta, and the traditional band that had been playing for them, took a break under the expansive covered areas that ring the square. We shared a slow, sumptuous meal at a rooftop restaurant overlooking Banderas Bay under cover and enjoyed the rain regardless.
Perhaps the most incredible sights downtown are the sand sculptures on the beach next to the Malecon directly across from the Zoo. We saw ten-foot tall artistically crafted iguanas and a Virgin Mary about twelve feet tall that caused us to stop and gawk for fifteen minutes. It was really something. The man crafting them would spray them down with water every few minutes to help them to stay intact as the day wore on.
For our next pleasure, the three of us became PADI (Professional Association of Diving Instructors) Certified Open Water Scuba Divers during our stay. We got a discount via a “breakfast” and way too many hours of our vacation attempting to recognize we could not in fact afford another timeshare. I would have to say if we charged an hourly wage, we should have gotten the scuba certification for free, so I would recommend just paying the total with no bargain breakfast. And you will be satisfied with every dollar you spend on this experience of a lifetime.
It cost just about $400 per person to get certified, including all rentals, instruction (some in a pool), and two two-tank open water dives. Can you say Giant Pacific Manta Ray? Yes, and while we didn’t see any while we were submerged (darn it), we saw three from the boats which took us to our dive spots. These are the largest members of the ray family and can grow up to 25 feet across with a top weight of over 5,000 lbs.! Two divers from our boat were in fact dropped off into a smaller skiff to free a 15-foot wide Manta from a fisherman’s drift net. All I can say is that being submerged in 82 degree water for forty minutes at a time, and going down to 70 feet below the surface, has instantly become my most favorite of pastimes.
The last tip that any traveler to Puerto Vallarta should have in his or her arsenal is one that we learned from a friend who visits PVR most years. The cheapest, as well as some of the finest, food that you can buy is from the pushcarts that set up each lunchtime next to the construction sites. Along the main road that runs along the coast, there are always many buildings under construction. By about eleven o’clock each day, a little stand will be brought to the street next to the work site. Very cheap, flavorful, and authentic cuisine will be dished out to hungry workers, and to you too just for being brave enough to point in Mexican. Two to three dollars will feed 2-4 people, depending on your hunger level. This is both a great deal and a way to mingle a bit with the locals (and conveniently enough, this type of eatery also self-selects out the locals that you do not want to mingle with—time share sellers and warring drug lords!). Rule number three then is this: DO buy the occasional lunch from the vendors next to the work sites.
It was our first visit to Puerto Vallarta and we fell in love with that lovely little ciudad on Mexico’s Pacific coast. It was our first visit to Puerto Vallarta and we look forward to our return.
And quite frankly, I think that as you hustle through the airport you should just tell anyone greeting you, “Sorry, I never eat breakfast.”
About the author: Pedro Bicchieri has had a passion for reading and writing. With the distinctive fame of being pulled over for reading while driving, he switched to reading, writing, and developing poetry while walking around his hometown of Ellensburg, Washington. Read more from this author
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